Pop - Ch.13

                “Well that was just Everett’s first birthday. Look at how handsome he is. You know, I think we made a pretty good looking kid.”

                “We did!”

                “Yea we did. And I think that cake is calling my name. Oh, but wait! You.”

                “What?”

                “C’mon, move that camera away from your face so I can kiss you.”

                “I can’t believe it’s been a year. I love you.”

                “So hello to any family, friends, or future children of mine. Today will possibly be the day, the one where Everett takes his first steps. It is April 9^th, 2010. ‘Kay, you got it honey? Make sure to use the zoom. You got it on the both of us?”

                “Yes, Niv.”          

“Okay, there he is. There’s my man! Come here, bud! Come to Daddy!”

“I don’t think he wants to get up, Niv.”

                “Shhh, course he does. Just needs a little jumpstart. I bet if I stand him up he will. Ahh – okay! There we go, now he’s standing.”

                “Come on buddy, Daddy’s got ya.”

                “Oh, be careful Niv.”

                “It’s alright – I got it. Come on Everett! I won’t drop ya.”

                “He did it!”

                “Should I let go of his hands now? Does he look like he can do it?”

                “Yea, let go of his hands… slowly. I got this all on the camera.”

                “Okay good. I’m letting go now. Come on buddy, walk to Daddy.”

                “There’s one, two! Three…four, five. Niv! Go back further. Just ten feet.”

                “He’s doing it, Max. Look at that, he’s almost to me now. Just a couple of steps more.”

                “Oh! Good job buddy, Daddy’s got ya. Good job!”

                “I can’t believe it. Niv you have a little daredevil on your hands now. He’s going to be following you around everywhere.”

                “Course he will. He’s my mini-me. Man, how’d I get so lucky? You’re so beautiful, Max. We should make a baby – another one!”

                “Niv! You can’t say that on here! I need to shut this camera-,”

                “Are you sure he said it? I have the camera on record now. So you’re sure he said it, right?”

                “Yep. He finally called me ‘Daddy.’”

                “Okay, let’s see the proof.”

                “Everett. Come here, buddy. Come here… okay, can you say ‘Daddy?’ Daaad-deee? Come on. Say it after me. Dad-dy.”

“Dadda. Daddy.”

“Oh my goodness, Niv. He’s growing up too fast. It seems like two weeks ago we were bringing him home from the hospital.”

“I know, Max. But look at how smart he is. He’s so lucky – he has two wonderful parents. Two parents who love him and each other very much. We created this beautiful little boy, Max. We did.”

                It was almost Everett’s second birthday, and as if on cue the warm spring weather started to emerge. Again March 22^nd was just around the corner. Niv couldn’t believe how fast the time had flown by. It seemed as though his twenties had gone in landmarks, one every two years. Eight years ago he had graduated with his bachelor’s degree in music management. Alekk’s fame had landed him a full-ride scholarship into college early, so to pay his friend back, Niv decided to become his full-time manager.

                Six years ago Niv had not only met the President, but had spent an entire year with Alekk traveling the world. It was Alekk’s special way of celebrating his new solo career. He had just broken up with a short-lived punk rock band called Rebel Riot. The entire world was mourning, but Alekk was surprisingly relieved. Niv just went along with everything.

And then, four years ago when Niv was twenty-four, he met Max. He remembered how young they both were then. Max was just a small-town teenager, and though he was older he remembered not really feeling much different. He remembered how much he and Max changed together – how they grew up together that summer. How they exchanged memories and feelings. How they fell in love with each other.  

And how, by some miracle, Max gave him something two years later he thought he would never live to see. His beautiful, precious, perfect son Everett.

                Now twenty-eight, Niv couldn’t believe how good his life had become. All the trips around the world couldn’t justify his thankfulness. All the college degrees couldn’t express his gratitude. All he had to do was see Max’s genuine smile, or the blue eyes of his son. The blue eyes that identically matched his. That’s all it took for Niv to realize that’s all he had to be thankful for.

                At the moment Niv was walking over to the supermarket, reading over the extensive grocery list. He had made sure to circle and highlight the things at the bottom, the things that would be Everett’s birthday presents. Max was with Everett now at the park across the street, distracting him so that he wouldn’t have a clue as to what his presents were.

                Niv was completely admiring the intelligence that his son beheld that is, until a beeping sound came from his belt. He recognized the sound, vaguely familiar. It was a sound he was taught to learn automatically, but didn’t expect to happen since those fourteen years ago. He unclipped the worn pager from his belt loop. The beeping had subsided, but a faint red light flickered.

                Niv’s breath caught as he held the pager in his hand. He knew what it meant – it meant that it was his turn to receive a perfectly healthy heart transplant. What a big deal this was. Someone died in order for him to be in this place. The possibility of it all seemed too surreal. He remembered being in a list of thousands, his impending deadline creeping closer. But now this perfect heart could be his. He couldn’t imagine it; a heart that didn’t have holes. A heart that didn’t need anything but to be put in place instead of his.

                Frantically Niv dove into the store, completely forgetting the grocery list all-together in hopes that whatever he grabbed would be good enough. He had to tell Max. He had to tell Alekk… and he had to tell his parents.

                I watched as Niv quickly fell asleep from the heavy sedative that pumped through his I.V. His eyes, pools of blue, flickered closed and the surgeon began donning his gear. My cue to leave. I wanted to be in there with him, to hold his hand the entire time. They assumed it would take several hours. I wouldn’t have minded. I could stand in one same place that long if meant giving Niv’s mind a little peace that I was here supporting him. That I would never let him go.

                I’m sure I wasn’t the only person that felt this way. So it wouldn’t be fair for only me to stay in there. Niv’s parents were waiting out in the hallway with Everett, who could equally grab their attention as well as Niv could grab mine. So I had to take my place out in the hallway – same as them. Niv would understand. I would be waiting right outside. I would never be far.

                My heart about stopped as I opened to door to Niv’s room. For two reasons. One as I saw how lonely Niv looked, though surrounded by people in blue. Two as I saw Alekk take his place next to Niv’s parents. Alekk whom I hadn’t seen in almost two years.

                “Hello,” he said calmly. No smirk, no hint of playfulness in his eyes. It couldn’t be possible, had he really matured since I had seen him last? Ever since that first day that I held Everett in my arms, Alekk had never bothered to show his face. Niv and I just had to assume that he was no longer going to be a part of our lives. I was finally fine with the result.

Ghostly images of my past shot through my head though as I saw him perfectly standing there. Nothing had changed, and I knew it the moment I felt the single pounding thud from my heart. The nervous jolt and the instant flush of my cheeks. It was wrong, but I couldn’t disagree. Nothing had changed. I still was in love with Alekk Weston.

“Hello,” I replied blatantly. Niv’s parents eyed us suspiciously.

                “He looks just like Niv,” Alekk spoke, three hours later, his head nodding towards Everett. He was grabbing the attention of anyone that came down the hallway, his short chubby fingers grasping out towards anyone that walked by.

                “He got lucky, though,” laughed April, Niv’s mother, “he’s got your cute little button nose, Max. I was sure he was going to get stuck with the Orin curse… our big noses.”

                I laughed as I could see what she meant. Though her nose was normal, Niv’s nose was an exact replica of his father’s. Long and shapely. Not that it looked horrible, however. I just couldn’t imagine their noses to really look wonderful on any other person.

                As the silence crept back in, I hoped desperately that some form of small talk would continue. It was painful just sitting here, hours on end. Finally Niv’s mother spoke again.

                “Thank you, Alekk. For everything you’ve done.”
                “You’re welcome.”

                April handed Everett over to her husband, tears starting to form in her eyes. Her husband rubbed the small of her back in an understanding gesture, as if he knew what she was about to say.

                “You know, I hated it at first, that Niv had to be with you everywhere you went. Hugh and I would see him for a week, and then a year later he’d be five inches taller with new interests and experiences in tow. And for that entire week we would have him, it would be just us constantly trying to grasp at who this new person our son had become. We never really got to ‘know’ our son.”
                Alekk kept his gaze on April but didn’t say a word. April let out a big sigh, more tears forming. Hugh rose from his seat in search for a box of tissue.

                “Most parents, when they talk about their children, talk about every aspect. They talk about their love of sports, what TV show they like, their favorite foods, their personalities. Hugh and I had nothing to go off of. People would ask us about Niv and the most we could tell them was that he was going around the country with his best friend, Alekk. The celebrity – oh you might know him! I disliked the idea of you then, Alekk. Because you, his best friend, knew more about my son than I did.”

                “But Alekk, for today’s reason, I am eternally grateful. Hugh and I may have missed fourteen years of his life. But after this we get to start anew. We get another 20, 30, maybe even 40 years left with him. Please Alekk, if there is any way we can repay you, just give me the word.”

                Alekk smiled.

                “Just your gratitude,” he replied, “that’s all I need.”

                This was bugging me, the way Alekk was acting. He was saying everything perfectly on cue and I think that’s what was bothering me. He was acting perfect. No, not acting. He was being perfect.

                Normally this is what everyone strives for. The girl notices the “bad boy” and yearns to be with him, but only if she can fix the minor details. First she’ll convince him to get a clean haircut. But then she’ll notice that the clean haircut doesn’t go with his baggy clothes, so then she’ll change his clothes next. At this point, he’s got the haircut and the preppy wardrobe. But without noticing she’ll slowly change his personality. Within a couple of months he’s become her own little masterpiece.

                I wasn’t like that though. I didn’t want that. I liked the rawness that came with Alekk. I didn’t need perfection – Niv was there for that. They both were polar opposites and I liked them that way. But Alekk seemed to change somehow. He was like an emotionless version of Niv. It was hard to grasp. I certainly couldn’t imagine Niv suddenly turning into Alekk.

                I wanted my Alekk back. Not whoever this was.

                Suddenly the surgeon entered the hallway.

                “Niv’s surgery was a success – he’s waking up from the anesthesia now. You may go in and talk to him if you’d like, just remember he’s on morphine for the pain. And as always I recommend he stay here for a couple of days just to make sure everything is stable before he leaves.”

                I hardly paid any attention to what the surgeon had said and just nodded idly in reply, waiting for the moment that he would get out of the way so that I could go in the room and see my beautiful Niv.

                And there he was, awake in his bed. Just a stapled cut down his chest and probes to monitor the rhythm of his heart. He looked like a happy little child.

                “There he is!” Niv gushed, reaching his arms out towards Everett as April carried him in her arms. Niv gasped in surprise however, when Alekk entered the room.

                “I thought I’d never see you again,”Niv smiled, his grin becoming contagious to everyone in the room.

                “Oh you know I’d never miss out on this,” replied Alekk, taking a seat next to Niv’s bed. I watched as the two friends talked for ages, about everything they had missed out on. Alekk had talked about his retirement from the music career and Niv talked about Everett. The two bonded with soft punches to the arm.

                Over the next couple of days we had gotten used to Alekk’s presence as though he had never left. It was like those few years ago when we all used to live with each other. I missed those simple days, back when we could tell each other everything and still were practically inseparable. One night while Niv was sleeping, Alekk and I talked to each other outside in the hallway. Sleep hadn’t caught up to us, yet. It was still early.

                “You’ve changed,” I said. Alekk gave me an expression like he knew, like he expected this sort of thing to be brought up by me.

                “We’ve all changed,” he retorted, “it isn’t just me.” He nodded his head toward Everett, who was quiet. The last couple of days had worn him out.

                “Alekk, you know what I mean.” He nodded again in understanding. It was only obvious that I had changed. My status, not my attitude. Two years ago I was a childless adult, two handsome men by my side. Now I was a mother, with all of the responsibilities that also came along.

                Alekk and I just sat there for minutes. It was awhile before he spoke again.

                “I’m dead inside.”

                “What is that supposed to mean?”

                “Well isn’t it obvious why I’ve changed?” Alekk argued, his hazel eyes throwing darts at mine. He almost jumped out of his seat. Finally, at least some emotion had emerged, though I wasn’t sure I preferred this over his lack of emotion from before.

                “Alekk, don’t you dare say it’s because of me.”

                “Well of course it’s because of you!” Alekk yelled. Everett, who was drowsing off to sleep was now awake, fully intent on listening to the rest of Alekk’s speech. I’m sure he wasn’t the only one. We were just outside of Niv’s room. It was possible Niv had been listening, too.

                “Do you know how many times I’ve wished that Everett right there, could have been mine? That you could have been mine – my wife? That this whole world that Niv lives in could have been mine? I try to move on but I can’t. I can’t pretend those feelings I have for you and push them onto somebody else. The part of me that you say is missing – that’s changed? It left when I learned that I could no longer have you, Max.”

                An alarm sounded overhead. What perfect timing as I just stood there, gaping at Alekk over what he had just said. No words would come out of my mouth. My brain wouldn’t conjure up some smart remark that would keep Alekk silent. So it also surprised me that it took more than a couple of seconds to realize that the alarm had come from somewhere not only close, but very nearby. It had come from Niv’s room.

                Quickly Alekk and I forgot about what had just happened moments ago, as I conversed with the doctors and nurses how important it was that we be in the room with Niv. I was crying, I couldn’t see him. No one would let me. Alekk and I were shoved back to the hallway where we were before. We weren’t allowed in. We weren’t family.

                Alekk held me as I cried. I was so confused. Why did the alarm go off? What was wrong with Niv? Was he going to be okay? Staying in the hospital this long had taken a toll on me, body and mind. Everett was crying in the background and it was everything I could do to keep myself together.

                It was a sight to be seen. Hugh held onto his son’s hand and nurses and doctors scattered about the room. Niv’s hand was so cold. April was somewhere in the background yelling and crying, trying to figure what was going on amongst all the chaos. Everyone was in a hurry, except for him, his eyes glued to his son’s, which were flickering in and out of consciousness. Those blue eyes always found their back to him though, and stayed there, for as long as they could.

                His heart beat rapidly as he struggled to stay focused and be there for his son. His son who he couldn’t help. Not this time. His beautiful, handsome son. He remembered looking into those eyes the first time they opened. He remembered the first breath he took, not unlike the breaths he was struggling to take in now. It was just him and Niv. Certain words would strike a nervous spark in his mind. Something about uncontrolled body temperature. Something about a heartbeat that couldn’t be determined. But somehow he would pull himself back into the zone. He would squeeze Niv’s hand and live off of those blue eyes. He had to.

                It was when Niv’s heart stopped that he started to panic. Those blue eyes fluttered and closed, but he heard someone in the background count down. Three… two… one. Hugh let go of Niv’s hand and wondered how much longer he could stand this. Niv’s body flailed in response, but no heartbeat came. The small window that Hugh had allowed for just him and his son previously had now started to close down on him. Too many doctors. Too many nurses. Get him out of here, he thought. Get me and my son out of here. He didn’t feel when April fell into him, but wrapped his arms around her anyway. Twenty-eight years, and those blue eyes he wouldn’t see open again. I’m sorry, he thought. I’m sorry I let go.

                “He’s gone.”

                Those two words would have sent me crashing to the ground had it not been for Alekk, who caught me before my knees hit the concrete. Nothing could have been worse than this. I felt as though the world had already taken its share of me and now it was back for seconds.

                Everyone was silent as I walked into the room, and it felt uncomfortable. Too quiet. Tears instantly sprang from my eyes as I saw the motionless Niv, covered in white. Alekk was the same. He let go of my hand and rushed over to his friend, grabbing his lifeless hand, pleading for him to come back. I could imagine what he was thinking. They both had been through everything together. How could Alekk possibly let go of his best friend now?

                My mind went over moments when Niv was alive. I still couldn’t get over the fact that he was gone. My mind kept wanting to make new memories of him. His face looked so perfect. I had just talked to him a few hours ago.

                It was when Everett looked at me with his blue eyes, the ones that were perfectly identical with Niv’s, that I broke down. I just sat there and cried. I had lost the one who understood me best. My whole world had been taken from me.

END OF CH. 13